


Pointless UK TV

by Littlelady1971



Category: Alexander Armstrong - Fandom, Pointless (UK TV), Richard Osman - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Female Friendship, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Game Shows, Gen, Male Friendship, Pointless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlelady1971/pseuds/Littlelady1971
Summary: The story of what I think it would be like if myself and best friend went on as contestants on "Pointless" . I have changed our names to save any embarrassment.  Certain characters are based loosely on some famous people, hence the "Tags" .  I have tried to add as much detail as I could to the show, so fans of Pointless will love it. those of you who don't watch as often , then not so much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> Any similarity between the fictional versions of the people portrayed here and the actual people is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

CHAPTER ONE - The Journey 

Elizabeth and Rosie stepped onto the platform at Kings Cross, it had been a long but fun filled train journey down to London from East Yorkshire. They were full of excitement and anticipation as they were heading to Elstree Studios to take part in “Pointless”. They both loved the show and when they had both turned 50 earlier that year, they had decided to make a “ Bucket List” and this was one more item to tick off. They hailed a black cab and finally got under way to the studio , luckily with plenty of time to spare. 

Sitting in the cab as it made it's way through the busy London streets.

“Did we really need to bring this ?” Elizabeth asked looking down at the plastic container which Rosie had plonked on her knee , whilst she rummaged in her bag looking for the tickets and entry passes. 

“ Yes we did, who doesn't like cake ? …..plus it will be a good excuse to chat to Xander and Richard, get their attention.....and I know how much you want Richard's attention ?” she teased her best friend Elizabeth.

Elizabeth blushed and playfully swiped her friends shoulder “Shut up about that, I'm nervous enough” 

Both girls laughed and fell into a comfortable silence , taking in the sights and sounds of the big city.

When the cab arrived at Elstree , they thanked and paid the driver and followed the instructions they were given. Once inside, their entry passes were checked and they were given their ID badges. One of the TV studio runners greeted them and showed them the way to the green room. It seemed they were the first of the afternoons contestants to arrive, they were due to be on the last show to be filmed that day. Complimentary food and drink had been laid on and they helped themselves, suddenly feeling very hungry after the long journey. Rosie placed her cake on the table next to the other refreshments and they sat down and waited....... 

The door to the room opened and both girls looked up expecting to see some of the other contestants arriving but instead …..they were greeted with the shows hosts giggling like school girls over something on one of their mobiles, they practically fell over the threshold.

“whoops....sorry “ laughed Richard as he knocked into Xander coming through the door at the same time . “I'm so clumsy “ 

Both men looked up and realised they were not alone …

Xander walked forward with his hand out “So sorry, we didn't realise there would be anyone here just yet, we were sneaking in “ I'm Alexander by the way …..

“He means Xander ….” came a muffled voice from the other side of the room. Richard had walked straight across to the table and was already stuffing food into his face . “ You will have to excuse us, we have been filming all day and we haven't had chance to stop for lunch” 

Elizabeth shook his hand and smiled “It's okay don't mind us, carry on” 

Xander went over and shook Rosie's hand “Have you two lovely ladies had far to travel “ he gave her one of his charming smiles .

They both told him about their journey and all about were they lived, he listened and asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in what they had to say. After a few minutes Richard , now with his tummy full came across and introduced himself properly.

“ Please excuse my manners, I'm Richard as you probably know “ he shook Rosie's hand and then turned to Elizabeth  
“ lovely to meet you …...are you excited to be on the show ?“ he shook her hand , she couldn't help but notice how big his hands were, they felt very soft but also extremely strong. 

“I'm slightly nervous to be honest “ replied Elizabeth biting her lip .

Richard put his hand on her arm “Aww don't be nervous, it will all be very relaxed and just go with it and enjoy the experience......myself and Xander will look after you “ he smiled and then gave her a little wink. 

Elizabeth's heart skipped a beat, had she just imagined that? Meanwhile Rosie and Xander were chatting in the corner and she was telling him all about her cake. 

“ It look scrumptious, and you made it all yourself? “ he enquired licking his lips and rubbing his hands together.

Richard and Elizabeth walked across to join them “What am I missing, did I hear the word cake ? “ smirked Richard. 

“Rosie here has baked this herself and brought it all the way here......its a lovely chocolate sponge ….could we try a piece, I'm very partial to cake? “ Xander was practically drooling .

Rosie set about cutting up the cake, she had even bought some little serviettes to use . Both men eagerly accepted a piece and set about demolishing it . The girls looked at each other and smiled.

“Don't get in on your suit Xander “ fussed Richard as he licked the last bit of chocolate cream off his fingers.......Elizabeth's eyes were like saucers as she watched the scene unfold in front of her ….that was definitely an image she would be revisiting later when she was by herself. 

“He is like a mother hen “ tutted Xander to Rosie , but his voice was full of warmth and he secretly enjoyed the way Richard was always there looking after him.

Voices were then heard in the corridor and the door opened , some of the other contestants had arrived and the hosts went off to meet them and introduce themselves. 

The girls huddled into the corner to have a whispered conversation. “ oh my god ….did you see what Richard did?.......he winked at me, then he did that thing with his fingers “ exclaimed Elizabeth she was quite breathless and wafting her hand up and down in front of her face.

“I know I saw him......” giggled Rosie “ Did you see Xander gushing about my cake ? He loved it and he is just so charming and easy to talk to , I felt we had known each other ages”.

Once all the contestants arrived, they were all formerly briefed about how the show would go, they did the obligatory health and safety talk then were lead down to the studio and shown their places on their respective podiums. 

Xander and Richard walked on to the set and spoke to each couple , wishing them luck . When they arrived at the girls podium both men spent a little bit longer there and re assured the girls that they would be absolutely fine and in safe hands . Elizabeth thought to herself the last thing she needed to be thinking of was the size of Richard's hands !

End of Chapter One


	2. Round One

CHAPTER TWO - Round One 

(Huge applause from the audience ) 

Thank you very much indeed, Hello I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to “Pointless” the show were obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything....lets meet today's Pointless contestants “ 

The show had begun, and Xander was swaying from side at the podium enthusiastically introducing the contestants, and couple number two, he said with that slight inflection at the end which he liked to use  
“ My name is Elizabeth and this is my best friend, Rosie we are from Kingston Upon Hull in Yorkshire” the camera panned from them to the next podium and the girls hoped they had come across as nice normal contestants. The other couples on the show that night were mainly from the southern part on the country “Derek and Giles ,from Reading” they worked in IT , “Benedict and Tom” friends from Hampstead budding actors, “David &; Lee, writers, comedians from Surrey.

“These are today's contestants and that only leaves me with one more person to introduce.....  
“He's the Mac to my Cheese, the Gin to my Tonic and the Slap to my Tickle …..it's my pointless friend.....Richard” announced Xander with a mischievous grin.

The audience roared with laughter and the camera focussed on Richard “Hi ya,” turning to the audience “Hi everyone” he looked back at his friend with an equally wicked smile .

“Some interesting idioms there, we might have to explore those later …..” he winked at his best friend.

“Who are you calling an “idiom” responded Xander as quick as a flash. He was on top form tonight.

Richard laughed...... he went on to explain that there were two returning couples for previous shows and two newbies, the returning couples were “Derek & Giles” and “Benedict & Tom” and the newbies, “Elizabeth & Rosie “ and “David & Lee”.

Xander stood slouched at the podium with one hand in his pocket listening intently to his co presenter. 

“They all look lovely don't they, I'm sure there's a pointless answer lurking there somewhere....” he smiled across at all the contestants. “Lets play Pointless?”

The jackpot stands at £2.500 pounds and if we find that all important pointless answer it will add another £250 to the jackpot.

“ I know you know this but I'm contractually obliged to say it.....The couple with the highest score at the end of each round will be the couple leaving us tonight.....try and keep your scores low and no conferring please“ 

He rubbed his hands together and the studio lights began to dim …..”Our first category for round one today is......Geography ” “ “

“Can you all decide in your pairs , who is going to go first and who is going to go second and can the first player step up to the podium “ 

All four pairs shuffled around 

“The Question concerns names of countries ending in a double consonants …....Richard?”

“Yes we are looking for any country in the world whose usually short form in English ends with two constants please.....as always by country we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in it's own right”.

“ We give 100 people 100 seconds to name as many countries as they could that end with two consonants …” 

All the contestants looked a little anxious, the girls on Podium Two looked at each other shaking their heads, podiums 3 and 4 looked equally dumbfounded but podium one seemed fairly calm. Xander came to them first, now Benedict tell us what you do ? 

“Hi my name is Benedict but you can call me Ben.....I'm an actor recently left drama school but hope to be working here in London very soon” he replied in a soft but confident voice.

“Very interesting”, said Xander rubbing his chin “What type of roles do you like to play ? Comedy ? Sci-Fi Or something more exciting like a villain in a murder mystery ? “

The camera zoomed in on Ben as he thought “I like a challenge, a villain sounds good but I have always fancied being some sort of detective ? “

“Oooh like a Sherlock Holmes type “ offered Xander. 

Richard quickly looked up from his notes, “ I would make a good Watson “ he offered, “In fact we could be Holmes & Watson couldn't we Xander?” he smiled across at his co-host.

“Oh yes.....I can see myself now in the deer stalker hat with my little …..”he paused.

The audience giggled.

“he means magnifying glass.....” injected Richard smiling broadly.

Xander smiled as well but held Richard's gaze with a look that said he better watch out or he will be paying for that remark later. 

Turning back to Ben he asked “Have you got an answer for me......we are looking for a country that  
ends in two consonants?”

“After a few seconds Ben offered “New Zealand”.

This was met with a hum of appreciation from the audience. 

“Shall we see if New Zealand is a correct answer?”

All attention was on the timer, “And it's right......going down into the 40s, 30s.....37 ! For New Zealand “ exclaimed Xander.

“Well played Ben, yes a correct answer and most recently famous for were they filmed Lord of the Rings ….” informed Richard, looking across at his co-host, he loved to impress his friend with these little tit bits of knowledge.

“Thank...you....Richard “ he turned to Podium Two.

The girls were still looking apprehensive and it was Elizabeth's turn to answer.

“Now Elizabeth, tell us what you like doing in you spare time up there in Hull?” he smiled encouragingly ….she couldn't help thinking what a lovely intense brown eyes he had. Until she remembered she was supposed to be answering his question.....

“ I enjoy going to the cinema and eating out, I do a little bit of card making for family and friends, I'm also a Absolutely Cultured Volunteer for the City of Hull which involves me helping out at the tourist information hub, marshalling at local events and any generally promoting my beloved city.”

Xander's face lit up “Oh that's right, Hull was The City of Culture 2017, how wonderful....I remember coming to Hull, to the City Hall with my tour....such a lovely place and everyone I met was very friendly”

Richard joined in “Don't get him talking about his Tour, or else he may start singing and we could be here all night ...” he chuckled.

Xander smiled “Thank....you....Richard......Elizabeth have you got a country for me that ends in two consonants?” 

luckily she had time to think and came up with something

“I'm going to say Iceland ?”

“Iceland” repeated Xander “ lets see how many of our 100 people said Iceland” he gave a sweet smile down the camera.

It's a right answer, it going down …...oh its low and you have scored a respectable 34. “ he beamed back at the girls on Podium Two. 

The next contestant up was Lee on Podium three. 

“Lee, tell us all about yourself ? “

“Well I'm a budding comedian ….I moved to |London with my girlfriend but when we split up I started to go to comedy clubs for something to do.....”

Lots of “Awws “ from the audience.....

“It's okay it could be worse though, I noticed that about 90 percent of the people in the comedy clubs are drunken idiots wearing ties, particularly in London ….I could be one of them !!”

titters of laughter from the audience and a huge smiles from Xander and Richard.

“Now Lee, we need an answer ?” 

“Thailand ?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.” 

“Shall we see if Thailand is on the board?” 

The counter ticked down and quickly stopped at 69 ! 

Richard turned to Xander (he had so many innuendos in his mind he didn't know which one to pick !) he was about to open his mouth when he got a stern look back “look away, look away now ! He thought he better do has he was told. 

Xander swiftly moved on to the final podium “And on Podium number 4, we have Derek , tell us something exciting about yourself?”

It transpired there wasn't actually anything at all exciting about Derek, but Xander being a true professional ploughed on anyway. Listening to his bizarre fascination with spreadsheets and flow charts......”how lovely, now can you give me an answer? “

Derek confidently replied “Greenland” 

The camera went to the counter and after few seconds the buzzer sounded and a cross appeared indicating a wrong answer, much to his and most of the audiences surprise.

Everyone looked to Richard “Sorry that was a wrong answer, I|'ll explain more at the end of the pass “

“Ah unlucky “ commiserated Xander “So at the end of the first pass, we have Benedict and Tom on 37, Podium Two we have Elizabeth and Rosie on 34 , Podium 3 Lee and David on 69 and lastly Derek and Giles on 100, but all that could change.....so we need a low answer from you Giles on the next pass......can the next players step up to the podium please” 

The second part of the round began and Giles was looking under a little bit of pressure.....  
“Now Giles, you work in IT with Derek, I'm sure your used to a bit of pressure working to all those deadlines ?”  
Giles nodded and smiled “It doesn't prepare you for this ….although I do have an answer, can I say Switzerland?”

“you may indeed “ replied Xander “ How many of our 100 people said Switzerland?”

The answer was correct and it scored a respectable, 39 but they were now the highest scorers with 139 . 

Next to play was David on podium three. 

“Welcome David, what do you like to do in your spare time? (Xander was secretly praying this  
wasn't going to be another anecdote about spreadsheets)” he was in for a pleasant surprise.

“I like reading, and eating out but my main interest is being a member of my local LARP group “

Xander's raised his eye brows and rubbed his hands together “How interesting, so for people who may not know, explain what it is you do “ 

David went on to explain that LARP stood for Live Action Role Play and it involved people creating characters and acting out various fictional scenarios in real life, dressing up similar to cosplay. 

“What's your favourite character to dress up as ?” Xander asked leaning on his podium. 

“I like historical characters, my favourite is William Shakespeare “ 

“ Oh now that's a good choice, you can't beat a bit of the bard can you ? …..”remarked the host 

Richard who had been listening intently decided he couldn't resist a little injection at this point  
“Xander likes to dress up you know …...he has lots of different costumes stored in his dressing room , some of them we don't talk about !” 

The audience burst into laughter......the camera panned on to Xander who was giving Richard the eye , a silent warning to be careful were he went with this one. 

Richard knew just how far he could go and turned it round “Although, he did loan me one of his favourites the other day …...I'm afraid I laddered your tights Xander, turns out my feet are a little bigger than yours !” 

Raucous laughter from the audience and the contestants and fortunately from Xander who had sportingly played along with the joke. 

“What's your answer going to be David ? “ 

“My answer is going to be Hungary?” he replied in a positive tone.

There's your red line, if Hungary takes you past that line then your into the next round. 

The counter started and it went all the way down to 22 a delighted David hugged his friend Lee.

“That give you a total of 91 for this round, well done....” smiled Xander.

“Yes Hungary is famous for its long tradition of classical music with quite a few famous composers …..I bet you can name some Xander “ Richard liked to let test his best friend, but he knew he would know the answers as he loved classical music.

“Well...I think I could name one or two.....” replied Xander modestly, “ Bartok? Zoltan Kodaly and possible Franz Liszt ? “ he looked at Richard for confirmation.

“Brillant.....all spot on, very well done “ he applauded and he noticed Xander's cheeks colour up slightly with the praise. 

Xander turned back to the contestants …...

Next it was the turn of Rosie on Podium Two.

“Now Rosie my dear, you say your from Yorkshire? …..a definite Yorkshire rose if ever I have seen one “ he said raising his eyebrow and giving a cheeky grin. 

Rosie flushed slightly with the compliment but managed to keep her cool, she had an answer ready which luckily no one else had yet said. 

“Geography isn't my best subject but I'm going to say Egypt?”

A few “Ooohs” could be heard from the audience.

“Egypt “ repeated Xander “sounds good to me ….he turned to the counter” “and it's right, it's going down pass the 40s, 30s .20s.....17 ! ….well done, Rosie.....that takes your total to 51 “ the girls hugged with excitement.

“Finally we come to you Tom, last but not least......So do you do similar acting to your friend Benedict ?”

“I like to try out lots of different styles …..the more varied the better.....” he replied in a well spoken but quite sexy accent, which seemed to have not gone unnoticed by the audience along with Tom's smart blue linen suit, and film star smile. 

Even Xander seemed taken with his charms as he leaned on his elbow and launched into a lengthy chat about what he had already acted in and some of his future roles, which all sounded very exciting.......until the producer of the show whispered down his earpiece to prompt him politely to move things long a bit as they had a game show to record ! 

“Can we have your answer then Tom ? “ 

“Bangladesh” offered Tom.

“Let's see if Bangladesh is up there ”.......there was a nerve racking couple of seconds pause then counter began, Tom released the breath he had been holding. 

“Through the 50s, 40s, 30s....it's still going, could this be the best score tonight? 20s.....8 !! “

An audible “Awwww” from the audience. 

“That gives you the best score of the round...... , very well done.......now lets take a look at the final scores......Benedict and Tom you are through with 45, next are are lovely ladies on Podium Two, Elizabeth and Rosie with 51, then we go to Lee and David with a respectable 91 but sadly Derek and Giles you are our highest scorers with 139. 

He turned to Richard “They were unlucky with that wrong answer? “ 

Richard checked his notes “Unfortunately Greenland isn't a sovereign member of the UN so it was a wrong answer I'm afraid.........there were only a couple of pointless answers which were.....Swaziland and Ireland, so well done if you said any of those at home” he smiled at the camera.

“Thank you Richard......so I'm afraid this is where we say goodbye, but it's been lovely having you both here......Derek and Giles everybody....”

The audience and contestants all clapped and the cameras stopped ready for the set to altered in the interval ready for round two. 

End of Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three - Round Two 

Finally, everything was ready for the filming to start up again for the second round of the show.  
There were now just 3 podiums on the set for the contestants. Front row, centre were Benedict and Tom, on the second row left were Elizabeth & Rosie and to their right were Lee and David .

The lights dimmed once again and Xander launched into his introduction …...

“Welcome to Round two and the question concerns “Pointless Words” …..can you all decide in your pairs who is going first and who is going second, then can the first person step up to the podium please” Xander could probably recite this in his sleep he had said it that often it had become second nature. 

After everyone had taken their places the host continued “Pointless Words ?” he looked at Richard for the explanation.

“ It is was it sounds like, I want you to find words that can be made up from the letters in the word “Pointless” there are going to be seven clues on the board to help you, along with the first letter of the word we are looking for.”

The Board appeared and Xander read all seven clues out twice (This was for the benefit of the hearing impaired viewers)

1) Having or showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate to other people (P)  
2) A pin or bolt to which a rudder or other part turns (P)  
3) A person who operates the flying controls of an aircraft (P)  
4) Two masses of lymphoid tissue in the throat, one each side of the tongue root (T)  
5) Goods stolen or taken forcibly from a person or place (S)  
6) Not making or accompanied by any sound (S)  
7) A ski run of compacted snow (P)

“Thank....you....Richard” recited Xander as he looked across at the Podiums trying to remember which podium was going first. (This wasn't as easy as it looked , and filming four shows a day sometimes took a toll on his memory )

“Benedict , hello again ….how are you with words ? “ 

The camera panned on to Benedict as he was deep in thought “ Well, I think I know most of them , but I'm going to play it safe with the top one and say “Polite”. He sounded quiet confident.

“Polite” repeated Xander, lets see if any of the 100 said it ?” he smiled at the camera and the counter began “It;s right.....down it goes, “ it suddenly stopped at 44 “not too bad a score “ nodded Xander.

“Okay, now we come to Elizabeth......is this a good board for you ?” he shot her a dazzling smile.

“I think I know a couple.....the fifth question down, I'm going to say “spoils” ?”

“Hmm, Xander quickly glanced at the board himself......lets see if “Spoils” is right”

Both girls looked apprehensive as they waited for the counter to start, it finally sprang to life , going down quickly, once is had past the half way mark, Elizabeth started to relax a little, at least it would  
be a respectable score.....

“It's still going down, pass 30, pass 20 …...and it reached number 7 ….wow would you look at that! exclaimed Xander.  
The girls grinned excitedly, they hoped they had a good chance in getting to the head to head.

“We now come to Lee on podium 3, you have had sometime to think of an answer, what can you give me ? “

“It's not looking good “ Lee said apologetically “he glanced at his partner David “ I'm afraid the only one I know is the last one …...”Piste” 

A slight murmur from the audience then Richard decided he couldn't resist a little joke “ Sorry hold on a second “ he waved his hand at Xander to halt the proceedings “Did you just say your pissed ?”  
he gave a cheeky grin to Lee.

The audience roared with laughter (They were certainly getting their monies worth tonight “

Lee replied as quick as a shot “ Well not quite yet , but give me a couple more hours.....you're welcome to join me for a drinking session Richard “ 

That surprised Richard who just laughed and looked down at his notes, not wanting to catch Lee;s eye or for that matter Xander's. 

“If we have all quite finished? Do I take that as your answer Lee? “ Xander was still smiling but his tone wasn't as warm has it had been.

Lee nodded and everyone waited to see if it was right. The counter began......

“down we go past .. 70, 60, into the 50s.....and there it stays at 42 “ he turned to his co host who was still not making eye contact. 

“Yes, erm it's quite an high score I'm afraid Lee” he managed to look across at Xander with an apologetic face, he knew he had annoyed him by interrupting the show and the slightly flirtatious comment from Lee hadn't helped.

“Thank....you.....Richard......it's time to have a quick recap on the scores so far, so we have Benedict on Podium One with 44, Elizabeth scoring a wonderful low 7 on Podium Two and Lee on Podium three you are the lowest scorer so far with 42. However all that could change on the next pass, could the second players step up to the podium “

Xander looked across at David on Podium 3 “Hello again David, we need quite a low score from you if you can “

David shuffled on his feet and and was concentrating hard on the Board, the answers he had in mind had already gone, he brushed his long dark brown hair away from his face and gave a little sigh “ I only know one now as my other answers have been taken, I will have to say “Silent” for number six? “

“Let's see if it's up there.....” the counter began “It's right.....” but it stopped at 56. “Oh dear , that takes your final score for this round up to 98 …..however, you could still be in with a chance”

Xander then turned his attention to Rosie on Podium Two “ We never found out what you like to do in your spare time “ he enquired. Rosie was slightly taken aback as she had been so busy thinking about her answer......

“ When I'm not working, I like to bake for family and friends I have done quite a few Birthday cakes and Wedding cakes, but they are nothing fancy and not up to professional standard” she said modestly. 

“ I think we should be the judge of that, he turned to the camera.......before the show started Rosie here brought us all some of her lovely baking to sample, and I can tell you it was simple delicious , in fact it was so good I caught Richard having two slices !” he laughed turning to his friend.

Richard giggled “ Yes I'm afraid it's true, I have a very sweet tooth , what can I say “ 

Rosie was beaming with pride and the lovely comments from Xander and Richard. 

“Now Rosie, we need a low score here, have you got an answer ?” asked Xander.

“ May I say “Tonsils” for question 4 please ?” she replied.

“You certainly may “ Xander rubbed his hands together and watched as the counter began to descend …..it came to rest on 44 , 

“Very well done, he smiled affectionately across at her …..this takes yours and Elizabeth's score to 51 “. 

Lastly Xander turned to Tom on Podium one “ Now then Tom, do you feel like talking us through the board? “ 

Tom smiled , he had known all the answers but didn't like to show off, he however proceeded to fill in the last two answers on the board. “ The third one down would be Pilot but I think that will be an high score so I am going to say “Pintle” for question two “

Xander looked impressed “Shall we see if it's right ?.......it is, and we are going down, Benedict scored 44 with Polite lets see if this is lower, its still going passed the 20s, into single figures …..” the audience started to gasp as they thought it was going to be “pointless” but it stopped on 1 

“Nearly “ smiled Xander “ Just that one person …..that gives you a score of 45 “ he turned to Richard “to be honest I was thinking of a different word for that one ? “

“Which word was you thinking of ?” Richard asked casually sitting back in his chair and resting his pen against his lips. 

“Piston ? “ it seemed to fit ? “ 

“ You're right in one sense, you can make the word PISTON out of the letters in POINTLESS but the answer doesn't fit the question, the correct answer is Pintle like Tom said....but a good effort “ he held Xander's gaze maybe just a bit longer than was necessary. 

Xander gave his a coy smile and turned back to the contestants. “At the end of the round we have Benedict and Tom on 45 , Elizabeth and Rosie on 51 but sadly Lee and David on 98 , we are going have to say goodbye to you both, but well done for getting this far, and we will see you again next time.”

The audience clapped and the recording stopped again, for the set to be moved around.

End of Chapter Three


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – The Head to Head 

After a few minutes everything was ready for the show to carry on for the final round.

“Congratulation, Benedict and Tom and Elizabeth and Rosie, you are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at £2.500”

Whoops and applause from the audience.

“Now you can start playing as a pair and chat before you give your answer , the first pair in this round to win two questions will go through to the final round, well done to Elizabeth & Rosie who have come straight through as our golden couple and to our returning couple Benedict and Tom.....very best of luck to both pairs, lets play the Head to Head” Xander did his customary hand gesture and all eyes turned to the board,

“Here is your first question and it concerns …..” 

The board lit up behind Xander 

“Castles”

The host turned to Richard for the explanation:-

“Five clues to things associated with the word “Castle” the very best of luck. 

Thank you very much Richard “lets reveal our five clues, here they come....”

1) The actor who plays Richard Castle in the TV Series “Castle”  
2) County in which Leeds Castle is located.  
3) Name of the chess piece also known as a Castle.  
4) Artist who had a 2017 hit with “Castle on the hill”  
5) Author of the 1962 Novel “The Man In The High Castle”

“Benedict and Tom you will go first “ 

The two men huddled together whispering , over on the other podium Rosie and Elizabeth were looking a little pensive , at first when the category had appeared Rosie was over the moon as this was a specialist subject but like a lot of things in “Pointless” it was never quiet as it seemed.

Benedict got ready to give an answer “We know the bottom one Phillip K Dick” 

The camera panned straight to the counter to avoid any juvenile comments the hosts might have wanted to add.

Their answer earned them a very respectable “6” 

“Great answer there, Benedict and Tom” smiled Xander.

“We need a nice low score now ladies, what can you give me “ he beamed

Rosie was thinking about all the things she had dreamed about giving the handsome host but maybe this wasn't the time or the place !

“I know a bit about Castles and luckily I know that Leeds Castle isn't in Leeds “ she laughed ….”I'm hoping I'm right by saying Kent?”

“It's right , still got a long way down to go, its still going....aww 32” 

The audience applauded 

“Never mind Elizabeth and Rosie, you need to win the next round to stay in the game.” 

The next question concerns “UK Geography” 

Richard explained that they were looking for “UK cities with no repeated letters”

He turned to the girls “ Elizabeth and Rosie” your turn first ….

“We hope this is right, we have counted the letters at least 5 times ….Durham ? “ said Elizabeth very cautiously.

“Let's see if Durham is a right answer “ 

The counter suddenly came to life and started to go down resting on “20” 

“Very well done “ congratulated Xander 

“Yes that's good answer “ added Richard “I have recently been to Durham for the first time ,lovely place “ 

“Yes definitely is, beautiful cathedral “ agreed his co-host “although my favourite city still has to be Bangor “ he turned to Richard and give him a knowing smile.

“Ah yes, a rather impressive pier with a spectacular view ….I believe “ he looked fleetingly across at his friend and smiled, feeling his cheeks blushing slightly.

“Moving on “ Xander rubbed his hands together and looked at Benedict and Tom “If you can beat 20 then you will have earned yourself a place in the final “ 

It was Tom who spoke “ We are going to try a place that myself and Ben have been too.....Coventry ? … we did chose to go we weren't sent there “ he smiled .

Laughter from the studio audience.

“Is Coventry a right answer and if so how many people said it “ 

All eyes looked at the counter has it started to move, it went down quickly and stopped at “15” 

The men hugged each other as they realised they had earned their place in the final. 

“Congratulations Benedict and Tom you won the round that means that after two questions you go straight through to the final “

Xander turned to the girls “Oh no I can't bare it.....this is were we have to say goodbye to Rosie and Elizabeth , you have been brilliant contestants and hopefully we will see you next time “ he gave them both a lovely big smile “Rosie and Elizabeth everybody “

Huge applause from the audience.

Recording stopped again, ready for another set change, the hosts took the opportunity to nip back stage and grab a quick cup of tea. Luckily there were even some chocolate digestives left over much to Xander's delight. He took two and and heartedly dunked the first one into his cuppa. 

“Whacha doin Xander” laughed Richard in a sing song voice. 

Xander looked up his cheeks were puffed out as he tried to swallow the biscuit down so he could answer his best friend   
“Just , you know ….having a little treat.....it's hard work out there and we don't want my stomach to start rumbling do we ….then the “mic” picking it up ?” 

Richard smiled shook his head, wondering how he could still possibly be hungry after eating all that chocolate cake before the show. Sometimes his co host was like a big kid in a chocolate factory.

One of the studio assistants appeared and told them it was time to get back on set as they were now ready to start filming the final round......

Xander and Richard returned to their respective places. Benedict and Tom had been positioned back on to the podium , the lights dimmed and the final part of the show began......

End of Chapter Four


	5. Chapter Five   The Final

The Jackpot Round – The Final 

Benedict and Tom couldn't quite believe they had made it to the final. They stood side by side at their podium and gave each other a brief hug for good luck.....

The audience was told to hush as the final segment of the show was ready to be recorded.

“Benedict and Tom, you have made it to the final, very well done.......you now have the chance now to play for the jackpot which today stands at £2,500 and also get to take home the coveted Pointless Trophy” Xander announced excitedly as he jauntily swayed back and forth.

“If you were to win today's jackpot, what would you spend it on, Benedict I'll ask your first ?”

Benedict thought for a few seconds …...”I think I would probably add it to my savings for a Deposit, as I'm looking to buy my first house”

“Wonderful......and what about you Tom ? Are you a sensible saver or would you blow it all on something luxurious?” enquired the host.

Tom smiled “I'm ashamed to say that I'm not as sensible as Ben, I wouldn't definitely splash out on a new outfit, I'm quite partial to a nice shirt “ 

“I can see that “ Xander cast an admiring look over at Tom but then pulled himself out of his thoughts. 

“Is there anything you would like to see come up the Board “ he enquired.

Benedict spoke first “We both love film and theatre, they would be great choices for us “ 

Xander looked at Tom “ I agree also Music or Poetry “ 

The camera panned back on to the presenters …...

“Let's hope there is something up there that suits you....... “ Richard smiled across at them both …..

“Best of luck.......today's choices are …... “ Xander turned to his co presenter to read out the four topics …..

“ I'll read out the board.........

1) Loosing Snooker World Championship Finalists  
2) The Victorian Era   
3) Pet Shop Boys UK Top 40 Singles  
4) Moons of Jupiter 

Both men looked at each other, Benedict rubbed his face “Well, my snooker knowledge is terrible as is my astronomy ...” 

“Mines not much better “ laughed Tom , “That leaves the Victorian Era or Pet Shop Boy top 40 singles ? …...I have been to a couple of Pet Shop Boys concerts ….so maybe we could try that one ? 

Benedict nodded in agreement “ May we have the Pet Shop Boys UK Top 40 Singles please “ 

“A good choice I think …....best of luck gents “ Richard nodded to Xander to give him the signal to start.......

Smiling to the camera and rubbing his hands together enthusiastically “We are going to put 60 seconds on the clock …...are you ready?” asked the silver haired presenter.

Both men indicated that they were .

The 60 second count down commenced........

Then men spoke in hushed tones and through their ear pieces the presenters could hear several song titles being discussed. The counter ticked down and Xander looked across at his friend and smiled, he had a good feeling the jackpot would be won today. 

“Ten seconds left on the clock” 

Tom and Benedict had just about settled on their three answers, when the time ran out. 

“That's your time up I'm afraid …....what are you going give me ? “ enquired the host.

We did know quite a few …..but the ones we want to go with are …....

Always On My Mind  
Where The Streets have no name (Can't take my eyes off you )  
You only tell me you love me when your drunk. 

Xander repeated their choices as they said them , just for clarity ….”Out of those which would be least likely to be Pointless? “   
“Probably ….Always On My Mind as it's quiet well known “ admitted Tom 

“Okay we will put that one first …...what about the most likely to be Pointless? “

“ You only tell me you love me when your drunk “ replied Benedict with a cheeky grin. 

“Right we will put them in that order, with “Where the streets have no name (Can't take my eyes off you) going in the middle . 

All attention turned to the board as it lit up with their three answers. 

“We only need one of those answers to be Pointless for you to take away the jackpot …...your first answer was “Always on my mind” …...lets see what it scores shall we “ Xander turned to the counter biting his bottom lip ….he seemed as apprehensive as the contestants.

A few seconds later the timer sprang to life and was going down 

“It's right …...down it goes , past half way......it carried on in to the twenties, then in to single figures but suddenly stopped at 7 !! “

A collective groan was heard from the audience and everyone else in the studio.

“Never mind ….we knew it wasn't you best shot at the Pointless answer, on to your next one..... “Where the streets have no name (Can't take my eyes off you) …..will this be Pointless? “ 

Everyone was watching the counter, again it started it's descent …...quickly going through the 70s, 60s, 50s.......40s, 30s, 20s.....the tension in the studio started to mount.....single figures again......5, 4, 3 , 2......Xander was preparing himself to congratulate the winning pair.....when it suddenly halted on ….1 !! 

Benedict covered his face with his hand in disbelief and put his head on Tom's shoulder …..Tom gave him a reassuring pat on the back “It,s okay, we have one more to go …..lets cross our fingers “ Tom whispered to his best friend. 

“Bad luck....., we still have your last answer, surely this must get you the Jackpot “ commiserated Xander.......

“Your final answer was “ You only tell me you love me when you're drunk “ …. fingers crossed for you both ….”

The camera panned on to the counter for the final time.......

“Again it's right, your first answer scored you 7, you second answer took us agonisingly all the way down to 1.......it's looking good,” the timer continued to go down...... 

Benedict and Tom were holding their breath , the silence in the studio was deafening and the tension crackled in the air......the only noise was the timer........single figures.....10, 9, 8, ….7, 6, 5,....the camera focused on Tom and Benedict, the latter had his eyes closed and was hiding partly behind Tom …...4, 3, 2, 1......Zero !! The alarm sounded to confirm …..it was a Pointless Answer.....!

Benedict and Tom were shocked for a split second and then congratulated each other heartedly .

The studio erupted in to rapturous applause …...Xander quickly hurried across the studio to congratulate Benedict and Tom ….giving them both a huge hug …....  
“You have won today's jackpot of £2.500 plus not forgetting a coveted Pointless Trophy each “ announced Xander with a huge grin on his face. 

“That was some final wasn't it Rich ? “ he turned to his co-host …..

Richard clapped his hands together “ Very well done to you both, I must say my heart was in my mouth at one point …..not had a nerve racking final like that in a long while.....”

“Shall we take a look at some of the other answers you could have had ? …..other Pointless answers included......

“Red Letter Day”, “ Did you see me coming, I don't know what you want but I can't give it any more”, “I'm with stupid “, “Was it worth it”, “ when I was mad”.....to name but a few.....they were 25 Pointless answers in all......very well done if you said any of those at home....”

“Some of the higher scorers included …...

Rent which scored 4 points  
Go West 11 points 

and of course their biggest hit West End Girls which would have got you 21 points “ 

Xander was just about to wrap up the ending of the show when Richard interrupted......

“Can I just say before we finish......I liked the way the three choices of song titles were ordered on the board …..” he raised an eyebrow across to his best friend.

Xander looked back slightly confused …....he turned to the Board and read them again silently in his head.......

Richard continued “ If you read them all in that order it sounds like exactly what I said to you last night …...” he smiled flirtatiously as Xander …...

The audience laughed loudly and waited for the co-hosts response........ 

Looking slightly embarrassed he coughed , his mind racing to think of something witty to say to deflect the attention away from him......why did Rich always feel the need to do this ? He would now be certainly having a word with him later …...he decided the best course of action was just to give his usual awkward smile back and focus on bringing the show to an end. 

Xander turned back to the camera and the contestants …...

“Once again congratulations to Benedict and Tom........and it's goodbye from Richard “ 

“Richard gave a mischievous smile to the camera.....good bye “ 

“And it;s good bye from me, good bye....he gave his trademark nod “

The cameras stopped rolling and the lights dimmed.......


	6. Chapter Six -  The Evening

Chapter Six 

The show stopped for the set change around and the girls went over to congratulate the two men and then they were shown the way of the set back to the green room . The other contestants were still in there all watching the tv screen in the corner ready to see if the final couple could win the jackpot.

The girls retrieved their coats and belongings from the lockers, they may not have won but they felt on top of the world, they had met the hosts and even got a cheeky wink from them, They had plenty of happy memories to take away with them. They were staying in a hotel for the night and then would be back tomorrow to have one more go at trying to win the jackpot After saying their goodbyes to the other contestants they made their way towards the car park to wait for the taxi , suddenly Rosie felt a tap on her shoulder

“Excuse me miss, erm are you two Rosie and Elizabeth ?” 

The girls turned around in surprise, “we are …..did we forget something “ replied Rosie.

The “runner” who had stopped them explained that he had been asked by the show's hosts to find the two ladies from Yorkshire before they left the building as they wanted to thank them in person again for the cake they are brought with them. The girls were lead back into the building and down a couple of corridors and were told to wait outside the dressing rooms. After knocking on one of the doors and looking inside he signalled the girls to follow.....

Once inside the room they were greeted again by Xander and Richard who had now got changed out of their “Work Clothes” and looked rather sexy in their casual attire. Richard was in blue denim jeans , a sky blue shirt, topped with a dark navy jumper. Xander was also in blue, but a deeper coloured denim shirt matched with some beige chinos.

Xander walked over to them “ So sorry again that you lovely ladies didn't make it to the final, we hope you have both enjoyed it all the same?” 

“We loved every minute “ Elizabeth replied , maybe a little too enthusiastically. 

Rosie smiled and said “ It's been a great experience and we are looking forward to coming back tomorrow “

Both men looked at each other , Richard came across the room “Have you any plans for this evening ? “

The ladies explained they were heading for the hotel and were planning on grabbing something to eat on the way. It had been a long day and they were tired but the adrenalin was keeping them going. So when they were asked if they wanted to join the hosts for a drink and a bite to eat there was no way they were going turn the offer down. 

Everything seemed to happen in a flash, once Elizabeth and Rosie had accepted their offer they were heading off to catch a taxi to a little Italian restaurant Xander had recommended , apparently himself and Richard often visited the place as it was slightly off the beaten track and not full of tourists, asking for selfies and autographs. 

The foursome had naturally paired off, Xander and Rosie sat together behind the driver and opposite sat Richard and Elizabeth . Both couples were having their own little conversations.

Xander & Rosie 

“We don't make an habit you know, of taking contestants out for dinner “ Xander said sincerely looking in to Rosie's eyes. 

“I feel very flattered you have asked us, we are nothing special ….” she replied modestly ,

Xander leaned forward and took hold of her hand, he rubbed her fingers gently with his thumb “let me be the judge of that my dear” 

Rosie felt her heart skip a beat and she sat listening as Xander gave her a “tour guide” commentary of all the sights as their taxi round its way through the London streets. 

Richard & Elizabeth 

They had been in polite conversation about hobbies and interests when they both noticed Xander take hold of Rosie's hand. 

Richard smiled and bent down to whisper in to Elizabeth's ear, “Trust Xander he doesn't waste time does he “ he giggled .

Elizabeth smiled nervously she was a little worried about her friend and the fact they were now in a taxi with two men who apart from seeing them on television they knew nothing about . Richard sensed her anxiety …...”Don't worry, it's all fine, he is a complete gentlemen as am I ….I promise I will look after you and if at any time you feel uneasy or want to leave just say the word” His words were enough to put her mind at ease.

“Hope you like Italian food …..maybe we should have asked you both first?” enquired Richard with a hint of nervousness in his voice. 

Elizabeth was surprised to hear that and assured him that she loved Italian, in fact she loved all food especially dessert ! With that Richard's face lit up, he had an incredibly sweet tooth and went on to tell her how he had already worked his way through the dessert menu and could recommend all of the dishes on offer. 

The taxi pulled up outside the restaurant and before the ladies could offer to pay, Xander had already done it. He wouldn't hear of them spending any money and also insisted that dinner was on him and there would be no further discussion on the matter. Richard told both the ladies that there was no use arguing with Xander once he had his mind set. 

The restaurant was set on the corner of a little street, it was small and quaint . Once inside they were met by the restaurant owner Angelo.....he greeted the two men heartily , kissing them both on their cheeks and they came over to the ladies and welcomed them to his restaurant. They were seated at a table in the corner next to the window, with a view of the street. Richard pulled out the chair for Elizabeth to sit next to the window and he sat next to her, explaining he liked to be on the outside seat as there was more leg room ! Xander also chose to sit opposite Richard and Rosie sat across from Elizabeth. Both ladies noticed the table had two candles, already lit giving it a cosy and romantic atmosphere. 

Angelo brought across the menu's and Richard looked at the wine list. 

“What was that wine we ordered last time Xan ? ….it was a red one, really fruity ?”

“Ah yes, the one were you fell over after two glasses “ laughed Xander 

“ Alright, you don't have to embarrass me in front of our guests...” he said light heartily “It wasn't the wine I just fall over a lot ….the curse of having bad eyesight “ 

Elizabeth put her hand on his arm reassuringly.

“It was the Rioja …..Campo Viejo Rioja Tempranillo …...may we have two bottles for now please Angelo “ Xander confidently ordered the wine.

All attention turned to the menu and after some discussion, it was decided that the ladies were going to have a light salad..... a Caprese Salad for Rosie and a Panzenella for Elizabeth. Richard ordered the Pasta Carbonara and Xander settled for Mushroom Risotto . 

Whilst they waited for their meals to arrive, conversation flowed naturally with some light hearted teasing going on between the two men . Their wine glasses were kept topped up by Xander who had taken on the role of the host. Once the meals arrived they all tucked in and the table fell silent for a few minutes as they all realised just how hungry they actually were. 

“That was lovely I'm fairly stuffed “ announced Richard has he put down his knife and fork. 

“you won't be wanting any dessert then Rich ?......you can sit back and watch us eat ours” teased Xander as he grabbed the dessert menu off the table and held it out of his reach.

“There's always room for dessert....” “ he retorted looking aghast .

The two girls laughed at their antics, it was heart-warming to be in their company .

Having finally got the dessert menu back from his best friend, Richard asked Elizabeth what she fancied on the list. What Elizabeth fancied was sat right next to her but she supposed she should actual chose something from the list ! 

Everything looked absolutely delicious but she chose her favourite the Tiramisu , Richard decided he would have the same and ordered one to share with two spoons. Across the table Rosie was undecided what to try …..

“I can recommend the chocolate biscotti, it will melt in your mouth ….” gushed Xander.

Rosie nodded “I will give it a try”

“It won't be as delightful as your chocolate cake but you will enjoy it “ he winked cheekily at Rosie. 

The desserts arrived and both couples needed encouragement to tuck in. 

Richard handed a spoon to Elizabeth “you best be quick and make a start first or I will be eating it all” he laughed 

“We will see about that “ she replied helping herself to the first spoonful, they both made quick work of the dessert until there was just one small piece left. 

“That's yours “ said Richard graciously 

No,you have it “ replied Elizabeth 

“I insist ….” he used his spoon to offer the last piece to Elizabeth, She opened her mouth and he watched her seductively eat the dessert off his spoon. All the time their eyes were locked on each other and the atmosphere seemed to be charged all around them. 

“Ahem “ coughed Xander. “Time for the bill I think …..he signalled to Angelo” 

Elizabeth and Richard looked bashful as they had forgotten were they were for a moment. 

Whilst the bill was taken care off both the women excused themselves to go to the ladies, use the loo and freshen up. 

“Are you okay? “ asked Rosie “I can't believe what's happening can you ?” 

“I keep pinching myself to check I'm not dreaming “ replied Elizabeth, “I'm having a fabulous time and Richard is so caring and lovely “

“Me too, and Xander is charming and funny just like he is on the TV” 

They made their way back to the table were the men had their coats ready. 

Xander spoke “ I don't want to pressure you good ladies as I know it's been a long day, but myself and Richard have been talking, and seeing as we are all having such a good time, we wondered if you wanted to join us for a nightcap ? “

The ladies looked at each other , they definitely both wanted to but didn't want to appear to eager.

Richard added “ My flat isn't far from here, thought we could all pop to mine for an hour or two then we will sort out a taxi to get you ladies back to your hotel ? If that's okay with you both ? “ he looked at Elizabeth with a hopeful smile. 

Rosie answered for them both “We would love too “ 

It was only a ten minute walk to Richard's flat so as it was a warm night they decided to walk, hoping they would all burn off some of the calories they had eaten on the way.   
Richard led the way, his hand brushed against Elizabeth's as they walked, a silent invitation to hold hands, she accepted the offer and they walked hand in hand. Behind them Xander already had his arm around Rosie's shoulder, he was naturally a tactile person and Rosie was more than happy to walk with him this way. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
